The other night Jon and I were talking about my weight loss progress. I was saying how sometimes it can be really easy to get frustrated when the scale doesn't move as fast as I'd like. I was talking down about myself and how the healthier I get the more frustrated I am with myself for getting to this place where I became so unhealthy and gained weight. I look back and think if you had just handled your emotions/pain in a healthier way. When I had confessed this to Jon he said something that really struck me and made me think. At that time he was just relieved I was no longer trying to deal with emotions through alcohol. The more I think about this the more I think he's right. I changed my coping method of drinking to eating unhealthy junk. But for me the changing of that coping method is a lot easier now that I want it badly enough.
I started getting serious about getting healthy five months ago and for the past two months have been much more intense about it. I feel like for almost all accounts I'm making healthy choices. I exercise 5-6 days a week, 1 1/2- 2 hours a day. I watch what I eat, track calories and nutrition info. I drink copious amounts of water every day, I go to bed earlier and get more sleep. I feel like I'm on the right track and getting better every week. When I look in the mirror it almost feels sometimes like I'm a skinny girl trapped in a fat girl's body. (perhaps I've watched Drop Dead Diva too much?) The problem is I really don't have a lot of patience. I workout and want results instantly. But it doesn't work that way. I've had several years of bad decisions and several months of good decisions can't erase that right away. They're helping to. One inch at a time. And as I finally reach the double-digit-inches-loss-in-one-area mark I know it's not a lot to some people but for me it's cause for celebration. It's evidence that my hard work is paying off. I have a long way to go still and a never worn before --too small dress in my closet taunting me. But I'm going to get there; one inch at a time.
That's the spirit Carissa! I admire your tenacity. You'll get into that dress in no time!
ReplyDeleteA few months ago, Ben [from Ben Does Life] did a video Q&A with his dad. Most of the questions were about running and racing, but one was about recovery - Ben's dad is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict who credits running and racing with his family as a major key in his success. One of my favorite quotes from his response:
ReplyDelete"Getting clean and sober leaves a huge void, you know, in our lives. And we have to fill that void with something positive ... in our case, it's running. You've got to find something positive ... there's a huge hole, and it can't be filled with other addictive tendencies."
I try and keep this in mind. As I recover from my compulsive/binge eating, I find myself aching for some other way to relieve that stress. For me, eating like that is a form of self-injury, and it scares me how easy I think it would be to become a cutter or someone else who mutilated their body in that way. So every day, I am always looking for something positive to fill the void. Healthy actions that support my goals, and that don't hurt me.
I certainly understand the impatience, too. It's tough to spend every day putting in hard work but to only see results after a string of successful days/weeks like that. That's why focusing on non-scale victories is so important, I think. Even after losing 150 or so pounds, I still get frustrated often - because I'm focusing on today's misses, instead of all the overall hits. So even when the scale doesn't move, remember there are things to be proud of. Like choices you made (or, sometimes even better, the ones you didn't make).
Keep at it. OMG, I loved Drop Dead Diva! I thought I heard there was a new season?
ReplyDeleteI don't know! I'll have to look it up! I missed the 3rd season so I have to catch up!
ReplyDeleteThank-you Ada! I plan to!
ReplyDeleteThank-you for this! Such good things to remember! I'm going to look up Ben from Ben does life and read more about it! I'm working on focusing and celebrating the little things!
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