Worth The Wait

Two days after I wrote that last post I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl! The labor went really well! And perhaps one day I'll write it out. As I type this she is asleep on my shoulder while I rock her.

She is perfect in every way and my heart could not be more full of love for her. For a long time I didn't think I would make a good mom. I've worried about being inadequate. I think I will probably always worry about that. But I'm realizing that's not always a bad thing; it means I'm conscious of it and always striving to do my best for her. In the past eleven weeks I've already made mistakes but I'm trying and learning! Before she arrived I wasn't worried about the taking care of a baby part. I thought   I had spent lots of time looking after various babies over the years. But this baby threw me for a loop!  Lots of what I thought I knew, or worked in the past for other babies, was true for her.

From breastfeeding jaundice, to not gaining weight fast enough, to discovering she has a lip tie and colic, and realizing she's a "catnap baby".... I've learned a lot and am slowly feeling like I'm figuring things out. Maybe.

The lack of sleep, tears (hers and mine), the not knowing what to do... it's all worth it and I wouldn't change a thing. We waited a long time for her and I can't imagine our life without her now. Every day I look at her and can't believe she exists and is ours to love.

So that's where you'll find me; in awe of my beautiful baby. I don't seem to have a lot I want to blog about consistently right now but I seem to have no problem over sharing on Instagram. You can find me on there as: carisle

Ready For It

If you read my last post from a while ago, you'd remember I've been trying to live a more grateful life. To see each day at its fullest and try to make the most of my experiences. It's been about a year of that and I'm happy to say I think it's been a success. I've been tying to make an effort to do more, see more, experience more; to embrace situations that put me outside my comfort zone.

I've wildlife watched

Enjoyed the garden and the outdoors

 

I've watched the northern lights, meteor showers, the sunrise and sunset

 

 

 I've taken trips with family and to see family (and got to hold a baby wallaby)

I got to babysit and get to know my niece, went to a concert, learned new skills like cookie decorating, ate all the ice cream (because life's too short not too!). and the list could go on... 

A couple weeks after my last post last summer, I found out I was pregnant with our rainbow baby. 

 I feel like all these experiences and efforts to live a more grateful life, has really helped me during this pregnancy. Being pregnant after a loss was very challenging most days for me. I was so aware that each day and week was a blessing. I tried to embrace the excitement but some days were filled with anxiety. 

We just had the one year anniversary of our miscarriage. Which also is days away from meeting our rainbow baby. The past week has had a lot of reflecting and I feel like this past year has helped me grow. Our life is about to change again and I feel like I'm ready for it.