Being A Friend To Myself And To Others

I think of myself as a private person. I know, kind of an oxymoron to have a blog yet see myself the way I do. But my blog often feels more like a persona. Much like my roles at my past jobs has been more of a "character" that I play. Unless you've known me for a while; or I'm family, I'm very quiet and shy. I prefer to stick to myself and avoid social situations.



I used to be quite the social butterfly though. Back when I buried the things that bothered me so deep no one knew they existed, and instead portrayed various masks of who I wanted people to think I was. I moved away and made new friends, continuing in my façade. Until I realized how important it was to  deal with things and be "real". But the real me is shy and slightly insecure. She prefers to watch things from the outside. And convinces herself it's ok to have a small or minimal group of friends.

Since I've moved back to my hometown, people I used to be friends with and hang out all the time are happy to see me and want to pick up where we left off. I didn't tell many people that I moved back, but as news does in small towns, it traveled quickly. Now quite a few "old friends" know I'm back and would love to see me. The problem is I'm not the same person I was back when they knew me. And I have a hard time not being insecure about my weight gain or my changed personality.

I have tried to make some new friends and re-acquaint myself with old friends the past couple years. But I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong. Perhaps I'm too low maintenance and not pushy enough.  I tried to be more assertive and make plans with people. But then I got canceled on. I was just finally making a couple new friends with some really amazing people, and then we moved.



Don't get me wrong. I'd love to have lots of blogger friends. It's easier to face rejection online then face-to-face. Sometimes. In the next week and a half I have three separate "old friends" who want to get-together with me. Deep down I know I'm thrilled to have people who want to hang out. But I'm still pretty nervous.

But I guess it's like that quote by David Foster Wallace: "You'll worry less about what people think of you when you realize how seldom they do." I'm sure if they're good friends, they won't be nearly as critical on me as I am myself. I'm learning to love myself, they can learn to love me too! :)

I Should NEVER Cut My Own Hair

Do you know what's a bad idea? Having a few drinks and then deciding to cut your own hair. I have a really bad history of cutting my hair when I haven't had any alcohol to drink, never mind after having a couple. Mr. J always cringes when he peaks into the bathroom and sees me looking into the mirror and holding the scissors. He says he always knows how it's going to end; me periodically yelling "Oh no!" or "Ahhh!" Or "Crap!!" And then I get mad at myself for attempting to cut my own hair, and ruining it.

It almost always turns out horrible but twice my bangs ended up looking completely disastrous! I wouldn't like how they looked so I'd try to fix it. Then just try to tweak it a bit more. And before I knew it my bangs were an inch and a half long and standing straight up! I had to wear hand bands or a hat for two months! Till they were finally long enough that they looked normal. Did I mention I cut my hair often, like every two months. You'd think I'd learn right?

Well I sort of got smarter. I started convincing Mr. J to cut my hair. The first two times I loved it! So the other night while waiting for Mr. J to come home from working night shift, I decided to cut my hair when he got home.

He goes into the bedroom to change and comes out to find me in the bathroom with scissors in my hand.

"What are you doing?!?! Don't cut your bangs! You know how it'll turn out!"

I said "Fine then. You cut them."

Begrudgingly he agrees to. I get the hair set up and show him how I want him to cut it. There are layers in it so I want him to trim the top one. He cuts it and I really like how it looks, so I decide he should cut the rest of the layers while he's at it. He begins the second one. I'm a little nervous but I've like how he's done it in the past so I figure it will turn out fine. He states he is finished that layer and steps back. I look into the mirror and gasp! The one right side is 2 inches longer then the left side! Mr. J claims it looked straight when he was doing it. If I want he can fix it. By now I'm freaking out. I decided to just do it myself. So off I go chopping away. It gets shorter and shorter and still not the same length.

Finally it looks as even as I am going to get it. I look at it as a whole.... and almost cry. It is THAT bad. It looks so horrific that all I would have to do is cut the top layer really short and I would have a mullet. Needless to say I am freaking out. There is no hairstyle I can wear it in where it doesn't look bad.So looks like I am going to have to find a hairstylist in town here and hope they can fix it so I can return to going in public without having to wear a hat.

I'd like to say I learned my lesson. But check back with me in two months.

My Sister's Wedding

Well, the wedding has come and gone; we all survived. The days up to it were pretty busy. Seems the closer to the date we got the more things I was asked to do for it. In hindsight I really don't mind doing so much for my sister's wedding. At the time I wasn't all that thrilled. But seeing how much she loved her day and appreciated all our work, makes it all worthwhile. Plus Mr. J and I got to take all the pictures for her wedding so that was great! I've wanted to do something like this for some time now. I learned a lot about taking wedding pictures and even more about editing them. I still have SO much to learn, but Mr. J is really pushing for me to pursue photography. So that means I get to take a course in it! Here's a few of my favorite pictures from the week-end. Any comments you have would be great!

Some of my most favorite pictures from the week-end were ones that were natural. That I just happened to be taking a picture at that moment.

Of course, I did enjoy asking them to try different poses for me. Most of which they weren't too comfortable trying but did anyways, for me.

But I love that most of them were natural poses. Sometimes I wondered if they knew I was even there taking pictures.

My Dad and my step-sister's baby

I tried to do some artsy dress pictures. Did they work?

I'd add more pictures but no one in my family except Mr. J know about this blog. So I don't want to add their pictures without their permission. I know that my sister and my dad wouldn't have a problem with it. So what do you think? Not too bad for Mr. J and I's first time taking pictures for a wedding. The important thing is that M loves them!

A Part Of History

Can something be nostalgic if you've never experienced it before? Last week-end Mr J. and I went on a day date to the city. We spent the day enjoying each other's company while we took our time spending too much money, browsing stores, and finding hidden geocaches. One thing I have always wanted to do was go to a drive-in movie theater.

[caption id="attachment_100" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="I took a picture but it was on my cell and didn't turn out nearly this well. Plus there wasn't this many classic cars at the theater we went to."][/caption]

We were going to a few times when we lived in Saskatchewan still but in our old car the radio didn't work and we didn't know you could rent radios. I'd been watching the upcoming movie schedule at the drive-in movie theater in the city and last week-end they were finally playing two movies that we both wanted to see; Karate Kid and Grown-Ups.

We were so excited! We got there early and made sure to grab some snacks. Found a great parking spot, parked the car on the gravel pile just so. And then we had to wait till dark. So we people watched. And laughed at the owners of big trucks who tried to park in the front two rows and then were asked to move.And finally it was dark enough to start the movie!

There's just something about going to a drive-in movie. Made me feel like I was a part of something that has been going on for a long time. I could just imagine all those greasy-haired teenagers back in the 50's in their hot rods parked and waiting for the movie. Or perhaps I've just watched Grease too many times. It kind of reminded me of looking at something that is old like a building or tree and thinking if it could talk, what it has all seen in it's lifetime. And then feeling a little part of that history because you were there.

Any rate drive-in movie theaters are a dying out attraction. If you're in Canada you can locate the nearest one at this website . I believe there is also America theaters on that website as well. What makes you feel nostalgic?