What Makes A Good Friend?

After highschool and in college, I had quite a few friends. Not those ones where you know their first names and have mutual friends in common. But the ones you could hangout with whenever and do nothing and still have a great time. The ones who knew your secrets and told you theirs. Those kinds of friends. Then at a time  when I felt loneliest and like I could use a friend the most, they were gone. Just like that. Actually it didn't happen quite as sudden as that... they "cut me out" of the group. I fought to stay in for a little bit but not long. I decided I didn't need friends like that anyways. Slowly but steadily I've come to the conclusion that I must be really difficult to be friends with, because I don't have many at all. Not like I used to. I know you lose friends when you get married but I thought they were supposed to be replaced with other people who are at the same place in their life that you are. So I've decided that it's not them, it's me. I mean that's the only logical explanation right?

Am I too independent? Perhaps I should be more needy and agressive when trying to build friendships. Should I introduce myself and share a deep dark secret... you know throw the whole trust thing in right away. Maybe that's my problem... I don't trust easily enough. Or do you think I should pretend to be someone I'm not? Someone that everyone wants to be or be friends with. I think we're a little past kindergarten where we'd walk up to people on the playground and ask if they want to be our friend. Or am I the only one who did that at that age?

I was really shy; ok still am. And my mom said every morning when she dropped me off to make friends and just ask people to be my friend. So one day I worked up the courage and walked up to this girl who was on a tire swing. I said "Hi! Do you want to be my friend???" And she said "No thanks. I already have a friend." Kindergartners can be so cruel. Is there something about a person that makes them more "friend-attractive"? If so, I don't think I have it. Maybe one day I will. Or perhaps I'll be in the old folks home when I'm 88 asking people to be my friends.

This post is kind of depressing. But I really didn't mean it to be. I know I'm a great friend to people. I'm caring, loyal, and thoughtful. I've just got to keep being me, and one day those will be attributes that someone wants in a friend. :)